// Possible cure?//

Alzheimer’s disease terrifies me, the thought of not recognizing or remembering your closest family anymore. Very scary thought. Recently, I’ve been doing my own research into it,because I figure that if I can find a cure to treat it then I will never have to live with it. Through my thinking and researching I think I may have found a possible solution. Alzheimer’s occurs due to the protein build up in the brain’s neurons which causes amyloid plaque. In a healthy brain these protein fragments would break down and be eliminated naturally. However I think that we could help break them down manually, for example if we were to take protease which is an enzyme that breaks down proteins, and inserted it inside the hippocampus part of the brain, then it would break down the protein, thus eliminating the amyloid plaque. It would also stop it from spreading as the protease would keep eliminating the protein buildup. Although this would only work after it has been diagnoses, meaning a small portion of memory will have been lost, although I’d take that over full memory loss anyways. Someone give me a scholarship and a lab?

// Rant continued//

Lately I’ve been hearing and seeing things. It terrifies me, I’m sure I hear people whispering my name sometimes. I want to tell someone, but there’s two problems, the first being that no one would believe it, and the second being that people would think I’m mental. Everyday feels like a struggle to get through, I’ve been feeling like this for years, but whenever someone asks ‘how are you?’ I’ll just say ‘I’m good’ even though I’m not. I want to tell people everything, but I don’t like talking about myself, the less people know about me the better. And the less people know about me, the less emotional ties they feel towards me, which means they won’t miss me. I wish someone could just be in my head for a day or two, and see how they feel and cope. So I have someone to sympathize and talk to, I barely talk to anyone. I need to go back to the Mental Health Clinic (I hate saying that, it feels so degrading, I’m not mental.) and get help, to try and fix this, but alas, I’m sure it’s something I’ll grow out of.

Everything is shit. Fuck the world and everyone in it.

// Ranting//

My life has changed so much in the space of a year. I have replaced the love of my life (music) to the new love of my life (football). It seems strange as I never thought you could beat the atmosphere of a concert, however just going up to Manchester, sitting in the stands, basking in the greatness of the stadium and the trophy room. Sitting in the seat watching the match, the low you feel when the other team scores, but then the elation when the equalizer happens and then the winner. It’s one million times better than the atmosphere of a gig. Which brings me onto another point, friends, I need some new friends. I want friends who I can have a kick about with and discuss sports, discussing music is boring because there’s no competition as such. That being said though, I have recently discovered a new lease for music, and I am looking forward to getting down to Brighton and starting up a fresh band. My sleeping pattern is destroyed though, I’ve recently started talking to Harry again, so this means I am up until at least 5am gaming with him, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. It gives me something to do, the nights are horrible, no one to talk to, nothing to do, just wallowing, until now that it is anyway. The summer is gonna be strange though, probably going to be one of the hardest moments of my life so far, just ending it after so long, but I think we’ve come to terms with it now, so that’s okay. I have being writing a lot recently though, whether it be stories, music, lyrics, I just like to vent and I happen to do it creatively, one day I might even post some on here, but there’d be no point seeing as no one reads these. One thing I’ve noticed over Easter though is that I’ve become such a recluse, in over 2 weeks I have been properly outside the house twice, it’s like I have stage fright, but on the grandest stage which would be life. I’m desperate to make this go away, but I know I’ll never be able to and I’ll have to cope with it all my life. Hopefully things will become more positive in the future though. I really need a holiday.

Literally terrified about going to uni, I do not get on with people, I do not like people, I do not want new people as friends. Worst of all, I don’t know what I wanna do afterwards as in do a masters, or study medicine. I feel like I want to do a masters as I think I have a solution/cure to some diseases, so I feel obliged to see if my theories are correct. If so, I could help a lot of people, if not I’ve wasted so many years. What I want though, is when I’m older, to just have a nice house with a lab. That’s gonna sound strange, but I’d love a lab, I can just experiment to pass the time and learn new things, it’s not like I’ll have anything else to do with my time. The main thing though, is that it’ll keep my mind occupied. For as long as my mind is occupied, nothing bad will happen.